JEEZ, PUDDING— I’m almost tempted to not give you your presents seeing how many people flooded your popular ass with them already but it’s too late… What’s done has been done, and in this case, I have already prepared all your gifts. [ / lets out a dramatic sigh before holding out this cake to you. ]

IT’S THE TURTLE DUDE— In cake form! (Let’s just not mention how creepy looking he is and just enjoy the sound of his shell cracking upon our teeth, shall we?)

Secondly, here’s what you asked for~

AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST, PREPARE FOR THE ULTIMATE SURPRISE OF YOUR LIFE… [ / grabs you by the wrist, slowly opening up the door to your room. ]

EXTREME MAKEROVER: BEDROOM EDITION!!!How’d you like it, pudding?! The best part is… you can now do the deed on the turtle dude (staring down at you) with your boyfriend— 

I’ll have you know I’ve gone through alot to bring you these presents and I hope you like them. I know I can be a huge asshole to you at times but as you know, that’s just how I show my affection so suck it up like a man because this is probably the only day I’ll be nice to you— Despite what how mean I am, you’re still the most precious pudding in this world and I hope you have the greatest day ever. Happy birthday!